Showing posts with label children. Show all posts
Showing posts with label children. Show all posts

Monday, May 05, 2014

Peace



A few weeks ago, shortly after we put the kids to bed I hear Aowyn coughing but to me it sounded more like a throw up cough then just a cough. Noah went upstairs to check on her and right before he opened the door I heard her soft sweet tiny voice cry out, "Dada!" It broke my heart. He opened the door and she was standing there with throw up all over her face and in her hair. He took her into the bathroom and put her in the bath where she was crying the whole time. I changed out the sheets on her bed and held her downstairs in my arms, with her cuddled up under her towel. I put some oil on her to help her with her cough and she just layed there so soft and sweet. 

We put her to bed in our bed and Noah asked me if I wanted to lay down with her, just then she walked up behind him and said, "Mama?" So of course I couldn't say no to my sweet girl. I layed in bed with her and she grabbed my hand and held it in hers, she laced her tiny little fingers in mine and I rubbed her hand. She rested her head on mine and fell asleep. After about 5 minutes she sat up and leaned over to me, I grabbed the bowl and my poor baby threw up again. After she was done Noah asked her if she wanted a blessing and she sweetly said, "Yes!" in her adorable baby girl voice. So he gave her a blessing and when he was done, she looked at him, pointed at me and said, "Mama". I have been hurting a lot still since my surgery and she has been trying so hard to take care of me. So Noah gave me a blessing too, which was much needed. He went back over to her to talk to her and she pointed at him and said, "Dada!" And put both of her hands on his head. It was so sweet!

After that she rolled over and reached behind her to grab my hand. I put my hand over her little body and felt her soft sweet breathing making my hand rise up and down. She wrapped her hand in mine again and this time she was rubbing my hand, I nestled my face into her sweet smelling hair and she rubbed her tiny little foot along my leg. It was one of the most beautiful times Ive had as a mom. I really just was enjoying laying there with her, marveling at how I got so lucky to have such a sweet little girl. I felt so bad for her and how sick she was feeling but so blessed at the same time to get to have such a sweet moment with my daughter. It was something that makes motherhood so very special, sometimes we just need to stop and take in the beauty of what is right there in front of us. Such a simple beautiful moment that I am ashamed to say I would have missed had I thought of checking facebook while I lay there in bed with her. 

After a few minutes of just watching her drift off to sleep, I too closed my eyes and just took in how beautiful I felt. I just felt so much peace and thanked Heavenly Father that I was able to be there in that moment, that I was able to be a mom, and that I was able to be there in that bed at that moment creating a beautiful memory with my sweet girl. I always want my children to know I am there for them, I never want them to doubt that or to think that anything is more important to me then they are. I never want them to ever feel anything but love and safety when they are in my arms. I want them to feel at peace and drift off to sleep knowing that nothing in the world can harm them. There are so many things in this world that can distract us and our children from the things that are right and special and sacred. I dont want to miss one moment of there delicatness. I dont want to miss any of the small, sweet details of their lives, they are my babies and I am their mother and those are the most important things in my life (aside from my sweet husband and the gospel of Jesus Christ, its all part of the same thing for me). 

So much can be done and learned when we silence the world and just enjoy the beauty that is right there in front of us. The peace and the comfort and the beauty that is part of Gods natural plan for us. The rest of it falls by the wayside, it doesn't really matter when we just stop and look at the great miracles of life that are right there in front of us, these sacred little miracles of life that are put in our care as parents. They don't need much from us, they just need our love, our support, our safety and our presence.









This little lady is so full so sass and spunk. I just love it!! She is perfect. Im not sure where she got the kissy faces from (probably because we kiss a ton) but now she tells me to do it all the time, it cracks me up. I don't know what I would do with out her and her sweet little spirit, she keeps me grounded and teaches me so much about love and patience, she is going to be a great mommy one day and Im so excited to get to be a part of her life.

Treasures on earth

Ive been thinking a lot about my life in general. Ive been thinking about what I think the most important things in my life are and about who I really want to be. How do I measure my own success in life and how does that lead me to act on a daily basis? (thats for another post all together.) Something that really has been a no brainer to me is that my Family, my husband and my children are really the most important things in my life. They are my treasures.

 President Hinckley said: 

"God bless you, dear friends. Do not trade your birthright as a mother for some bauble of passing value. Let your first interest be in your home. The baby you hold in your arms will grow quickly as the sunrise and the sunset of the rushing days. I hope that when that occurs you will not be led to exclaim as did King Lear, “How sharper than a serpent’s tooth it is to have a thankless child!” (King Lear, I, iv, 312). Rather, I hope that you will have every reason to be proud concerning your children, to have love for them, to have faith in them, to see them grow in righteousness and virtue before the Lord, to see them become useful and productive members of society. If with all you have done there is an occasional failure, you can still say, “At least I did the very best of which I was capable. I tried as hard as I knew how. I let nothing stand in the way of my role as a mother.” Failures will be few under such circumstances." 

My children are my most priceless treasure. No amount of wealth or gold or success in my life will ever compare to how much my success as their mother means to me. The love that they have for me is endless, the only person that can change that, is me. I never want to lose their love, I always want to be worthy of it, to deserve every single bit of love they have for me. Children forgive so easily and love so unconditionally, I hope that I always deserve their forgiveness and their unconditional love.

Matthew 6:19, 20 says  19 ¶Lay not up for yourselves atreasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves bbreak through and steal:
 20 But lay up for yourselves atreasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor bsteal:
These are my treasures that neither moth nor rust can corrupt. The world will try its hardest to corrupt them, but If I take care of them and treat them with love and kindness, if I nurture them and protect them and do everything to treasure them then I will have them as my children forever. 

It pains me too look at the world and to see so many moms treasuring those things of worldly value, I want to hold them and plead with them to look at their precious children, who are right in front of them, those precious children who are their life and greatest reward. I wish they could see that their greastest success lies with their children. I ache to see them missing out on so much happiness simply because they can not see the great gift that has been given to them. The world tells us to look to it for validation, gratification and happiness. The Lord knows better then this and tells us to look to our children, to look into our homes and at our most sacred relationships. This is where the treasures lie, this is where the true validation, gratification and happiness can be found.

I am so honored to be called a mother, to have 4 beautiful little spirits looking to me to hold their hand and guide them through life.

Lead me 
Guide me
Walk beside me
Help me find the way
Teach me all that I must know, to live with him (Heavenly Father) someday

Such a beautiful and simple message. In that short little chorus to one of my childhood hymns is laid all the knowledge and power that the world has to offer.  Lead our children by our example, Guide our children by helping them navigate their way on the path of righteousness through a world of sin, and Walk beside them, holding their hand and taking each step along the way with them. It is our sacred and noble jobs as mothers to show them the way back to their Heavenly home. These little fresh from God spirits, are our jewels that God has given us in this life. And like any jewel we must keep is close to us, treasure its great value and protect it. 

Family pictures from 2012















These pictures were taken by my WONDERFULLY talented friend Mary Anne.

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Children by Boyd K. Packer

I really love this talk and I think the quote that stuck out to me the most was:
"Children are the past, the present, and the future all blended into one. They are consummately precious. Every time a child is born, the world is renewed in innocence."

Somes I lose sight of the precious innocence of children and of how they are sent to change the world. We try so hard to teach them when infact we should be letting them teach us of the beauty and innocence of the world. I need to learn to be more like the little children and learn to see the world the way they see it. 
Children- Boyd K. Packer
Many years ago in Cuzco, high in the Andes Mountains of Peru, Elder A. Theodore Tuttle and I held a sacrament meeting in a long, narrow room with a door that opened onto the street. It was night and it was very cold.
While Elder Tuttle spoke, a little boy, perhaps six years old, appeared in the doorway. He was naked except for a ragged shirt that went about to his knees.
On our left was a small table with a plate of bread for the sacrament. This ragged street orphan saw the bread and inched slowly along the wall toward it. He was almost to the table when a woman on the aisle saw him. With a stern toss of her head, she banished him out into the night. I groaned within myself.
Later the boy returned. He crept along the wall, glancing from the bread to me. He was near the point where the woman would see him again. I held out my arms, and he came running to me. I held him on my lap.
Then, as something symbolic, I set him in Elder Tuttle’s chair. After the closing prayer, much to my sorrow, he darted out into the night.
When I returned home, I told President Spencer W. Kimball about him. He was deeply moved and spoke of it in a conference talk. He told others of it and said to me more than once, “That experience has far greater meaning than you have yet come to know.”
I have never forgotten that little street orphan. Many times in South America I have looked for him in the faces of the people. When he comes back into my mind, others come with him.
After World War II on a cold night in a train station in southern Japan, I heard a tap on the train window. There stood a boy wearing the same ragged shirt, a rag tied about a swollen jaw, his head covered with scabies. He held a rusty tin can and a spoon, the symbol of an orphan beggar. As I struggled to open the door to give him money, the train pulled out. I will never forget that hungry little boy standing in the cold, holding up his empty tin can.
There was a sick little first grader in a hospital at a government Indian school with a fever and running nose. I opened a package from his mother, hundreds of miles away on the reservation. Wrapped in a cardboard box with an auto parts label, which no doubt she got from the trading post, were some Navajo fry bread and pieces of mutton—a Christmas present for her little boy.
On the news recently, I saw that long, familiar line of refugees. With them, as usual, were the children carrying children. One child was perched atop a massive bundle carried by her mother. As they pushed slowly and silently by, she looked into the camera. That sober little black face and those big black eyes seemed to ask, “Why?”
Children are the past, the present, and the future all blended into one. They are consummately precious. Every time a child is born, the world is renewed in innocence.
I constantly think about and pray for the children and youth and their parents.
Recently, I attended a sacrament meeting given by children with special needs. Each was disabled in hearing or sight or mental development. Beside each was a teenager assigned as a companion. They sang and played music for us. Facing us on the front row was a young girl who stood and signed to those behind us who could not hear.
Jenny gave a brief testimony. Then her parents each spoke. They told of the utter agony they had known when they learned that their child would never have a normal life. They told of the endless, everyday trials that followed. When others would stare or laugh, Jenny’s brothers put an arm protectively around her. The mother then told us of the love and absolute joy Jenny brought to the family.
Those parents have learned that “after much tribulation, … cometh the blessing” (D&C 103:12). I saw them bound together by adversity and refined into pure gold—true Latter-day Saints.
They told us Jenny adopts fathers. So when I shook hands with her, I said, “I’m a grandpa.”
She looked up at me and said, “Well, I can see why!”
There is nothing in the scriptures, there is nothing in what we publish, there is nothing in what we believe or teach that gives license to parents or anyone else to neglect or abuse or molest our own or anyone else’schildren.
There is in the scriptures, there is in what we publish, there is in what we believe, there is in what we teach, counsel, commandments, even warnings that we are to protect, to love, to care for, and to “teach [children] to walk in the ways of truth” (Mosiah 4:15). To betray them is utterly unthinkable.
Among the strongest warnings and the severest penalties in the revelations are those relating to little children. Jesus said, “But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea” (Matt. 18:6).
In the days of the prophet Mormon, some who did not understand that little children are “blameless before God” (Mosiah 3:21) and are “alive in Christ” (Moro. 8:12) wanted to baptize little children. Mormon said they “[denied] the mercies of Christ, and [set] at naught the atonement of him and the power of his redemption” (Moro. 8:20).
Mormon sternly rebuked them, saying: “He that supposeth that littlechildren need baptism is in the gall of bitterness and in the bonds of iniquity; for he hath neither faith, hope, nor charity; wherefore, should he be cut off while in the thought, he must go down to hell. …
“Behold, I speak with boldness, having authority from God” (Moro. 8:14, 16).
Only when a child reaches that age of accountability, set by the Lord at eight years of age (see D&C 68:27), is their baptism essential. Before that age, they are innocent.
Children should not be ignored or neglected. They absolutely must not be abused or molested. Children must not be abandoned or estranged by divorce. Parents are responsible to provide for their children.
The Lord said, “All children have claim upon their parents for their maintenance until they are of age” (D&C 83:4).
We are to look after their physical, their spiritual, and their emotional needs. The Book of Mormon teaches, “Ye will not suffer your children that they go hungry, or naked; neither will ye suffer that they transgress the laws of God, and fight and quarrel one with another, and serve the devil, who is the master of sin, or who is the evil spirit which hath been spoken of by our fathers, he being an enemy to all righteousness” (Mosiah 4:14).
Nothing compares with a father who is responsible and in turn teaches hischildren responsibility. Nothing compares with a mother who is present with them to comfort them and give them assurance. Love, protection, and tenderness are all of consummate worth.
The Lord said, “I have commanded you to bring up your children in light and truth” (D&C 93:40).
All too often, a parent is left alone to raise children. The Lord has a way of strengthening that parent to meet alone what should be the responsibility of two parents. For either parent to deliberately abandon their children is a very grievous mistake.
I think often of another boy. We met him at a seminary graduation in a remote city in Argentina. He was well clothed and well nourished.
The students came down the aisle up to the stand. There were three rather high steps. He could not make the first step because his legs were too short. He was a dwarf.
It was then we noticed marching behind him two stalwart young men who stepped forward, one on either side, and lifted him gracefully to the podium. When the service was over, they lifted him down again and then marched out with him. They were his friends and watched over him. This boy could not reach the first step without being lifted up by his friends.
Those who come into the Church come as children spiritually. They need someone—some friend—to lift them up.
If we design the steps after baptism to fit only those who have long, strong legs, we ignore what the Lord said in the revelations. The prophets have told us that we “ought to be teachers, [and teach that] which be the first principles of the oracles of God; [for they are] such as have need of milk, and not of strong meat. …
“… Strong meat belongeth to them that are of full age, even those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil” (Heb. 5:12, 14).
The Apostle Paul wrote, “I have fed you with milk, and not with meat: for hitherto ye were not able to bear it, neither yet now are ye able” (1 Cor. 3:2).
In a revelation given in 1830, just before the Church was organized, the Lord cautioned, “They cannot bear meat now, but milk they must receive; wherefore, they must not know these things, lest they perish” (D&C 19:22).
We must be careful lest we make that first step too high or design it for those with strong, long legs and leave the others without some friend to lift them up.
When some disciples rebuked those who brought little children, “Jesus said, Suffer little children, [suffer means to permit] and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven” (Matt. 19:14).
When His disciples asked what kind of men they ought to be, Jesus set a little child in their midst (see Matt. 18:2–3). Except we “become as a little child, [we] can in nowise inherit the kingdom of God” (3 Ne. 11:38).
A deep concern for children and their parents is in my mind and heart and soul.
Over the years, I have wondered what President Kimball meant when he reminded me of that street orphan in Cuzco and repeated, “That experience has far greater meaning than you have yet come to know.” One day he added, “You held a nation on your lap.”
Now in my 78th year, I understand what President Kimball was seeing; I know what he meant. That boy in Cuzco and the one in Japan and the other children about the world profoundly influence what I think and how I feel and what I pray for most earnestly. I constantly think of little childrenand their parents who struggle to raise them in ever more perilous times.
Like my Brethren, I have traveled all over the world. Like my Brethren, I have held positions of trust in education, in business, in government, and in the Church. I have written books, and, like them, have received honors, degrees, certificates, plaques. Such honors come with the territory and are undeserved.
Assessing the value of those things, the one thing I treasure more than any of them—more than all of them put together—the thing of most value to me is how our sons and daughters and their husbands and wives treat their children and how, in turn, our grandchildren treat their little ones.
When it comes to understanding our relationship with our Heavenly Father, the things my wife and I have learned as parents and grandparents that are of most worth knowing, we have learned from our children.
This blessing has come to me as a gift from my wife. The Lord said of such women, “[A wife is given to a man] to multiply and replenish the earth, according to my commandment, and to fulfil the promise which was given by my Father before the foundation of the world, and for their exaltation in the eternal worlds, that they may bear the souls of men; for herein is the work of my Father continued, that he may be glorified” (D&C 132:63).
With women such as this to be the mothers of children, we see why the Lord revealed “that great things may be required at the hand of their fathers” (D&C 29:48).
I bear witness that the gospel is true, and the power of it is to bless littlechildren. I pray earnestly that the children and youth and their parents will receive the gift of the Holy Ghost, that it will be a guide and a protection to them, that it will bear in their hearts the testimony that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, the Only Begotten of the Father. In the name ofJesus Christ, amen.

Friday, April 04, 2014

To my children

Landon,
    I cant believe how lucky I was to get such an awesome little boy as my first child. I remember when I found out that I was having a boy I was sooo excited. I had always wanted a boy first, I want to have a little man to help me when daddy was gone and a sweet boy to hold when things got rough. Daddy was gone most of the time I was pregnant with you and I talked to you so much when you were in my stomach. You loved listening to music that had awesome guitar solos in them like Sweet Home Alabama and you would kick and roll so much every time I turned those songs on.
   When you were born we were inseperable. We spent so much time together playing and singing and running around together. I had so much fun when it was just me and you. And now here you are almost 8 and preparing to be baptised. I can't believe how big you are getting. I could not have asked for a better son. You are so sweet and caring. You give amazing hugs and cuddles. You still kiss me in front of your friends and hold my hand. When I visit you in your class you run over to me and hug me and kiss me and are so proud to have me as your mom. It makes my heart soar to see the happiness in your eyes when I spend time with just you. I know sometimes you get overwhelmed being the oldest child and that you feel a lot of weight and pressure that comes with that job but you do such an amazing job of helping to take care of and play with your little brothers and sister.
   You are so smart and I love how much you love to learn. I love to watch you working on extra work book pages at home and seeing you find so much joy in learning. When I was little I wanted to work with Sea animals and it brings me so much happiness you see you get excited about the same things. You love Sea animals and talk about them all the time. I love to hear you find so much excitment it such special things. When you watch the Disney channel you talk about wanting to act on there one day and I remember wanting the same thing when I was your age. I see so much of me in you. You have a tender heart and cry easily. You are stubborn and strong willed, just like me. You carry the weight of the world on your shoulders and are always worried about other people. Your innocence and child like spirit is still so fresh from God and you sometimes get teased about these things at school. It breaks my heart to see you hurting but I wouldn't change your innocence for anything. I hope you always hold that in your heart and that your spirit stays so tender and fresh from God.
    I can't wait to see the type of adult you will be. I know that you will be an amazing husband and father, especially if you keep your heart and mind turned toward Heavenly Father. You have so much to offer this world and I know that you are going to help and effect so many peoples lives. You have a great mission here on this earth and I know that you will be able to help people find their way back to Heavenly Father.
   I hope you continue to help other people and to care so deeply about others. I hope that you never forget how happy it makes you to serve other people and how close it brings you to Heavenly Father. I love listening to your sweet prayers and to hear about your faith in God. Sometimes I know that its hard to be the oldest, your still learning about life and I am still learning how to be a mom. Hopeful we can be forgiving of each other and help each other as we navigate our paths in this life. If there is anything I could wish for you, it would be for you to find true happiness through your relationship with your Father in Heaven. I love you so much Landon and I love to look into your eyes and see your love for me. You have changed me into a better person and make me a better mother each and every day. Find peace and happiness in this life, through your service to others and your Faith in your God, my sweet boy, and I promise you that you will never be lead astray. Thank you for being patient with me and for loving me even when (and especially when) I make mistakes. Thank you for holding my hand when you know Ive had a rough day and that you for trying so hard to let me know you love me. I love the sweet pictures you draw me and the wonderful stories you write. I love how excited you get about holidays and how happy you are at the fun little things in life. You find such joy in the simple things and I hope you never lose that. Keep on loving life and finding the good in everyone and everything and you will be able to accomplish anything you set your mind too.

                                                                         I love you,
                                                                            Mom

Braddoc,
    Today I got to spend the whole day at the zoo with just you. I was so surprised at the little boy I got to spend so much time with. Sometimes in the noise of our home I know that its hard for you to be yourself, I know that you get overwhelmed by having your little brother and sister follow your every move and them wanting to be just like you. They both love you so much that they want to be like you. I am proud of your example and how much you love them. When I found out that I was having another little boy I was so excited. I knew that you and your big brother would be the best of friends and I have found great joy in watching the two of you grow together. When you were a baby you were so quiet and sweet. I would thank Heavenly Father for blessing me with such a sweet and calm baby. You hardly ever cried. You were about 10 months old when anyone other then me and daddy heard you cry. You are such a blessing to our family. You love for me to cuddle you and rub your back when you get overwhelmed. I love how you much need to be held and cuddled. I love to kiss your head and whisper to you that it will be alright. I love the way your little hand fits into mine and I sometimes wish that you wanted to hold my hand more. I love that you are so rule driven and love to please people by listening and helping them.
    I know that having Aspergers can be really hard and sometimes I wish that I knew how to help you better. Today at the zoo you navigated our way around the zoo by reading and following the map. You told me all about the animals and about how bear babies are called Cubs, you told me about lemurs and polar bears and lizards. One time the Gorilla came face to face with you, where the only thing between the two of you was glass and you got so excited. To see the pure look of joy on your face and how happy and giddy it made you to see the animal so close, melted my heart. It was truly one of the most amazing moments I have had as your mom. I love your Aspergers and I love who it makes you. I love that it gives you such a huge heart and a logical mind. I love that it makes things in this world seem so simple for you, that loving people comes easy to you, and that you care so much about everything. I know that your anxiety makes things a lot harder for you then it is for most people and Its so hard to watch you hurt, but its also beautiful to see you push through and try so hard to grow. I wish I could take away your fear and your pain but I know that it will only make you such a stronger man one day.
       You make me lunches all the time and you are always worried about my well being, sometimes I wonder how someone so little can feel so much. I love singing you bedtime songs and listening to your bed time jokes. I love listening to your stories and learning about how things work in your mind. You are such a special little boy who has so much to offer this world. I can not even begin to tell you how much you mean to me and to this family. You changed me and continue to change me every day. I know that I mess up a lot and that I hurt you when I dont understand you, but Im trying, and we are learning together. I am so proud of how hard you work to convey to me and other people how you are feeling. You have a bright future ahead and our family will be even better because you are apart of it. Never stop caring. Never stop trying and never forget who you are. Never forget that the Aspergers isn't a bad thing, that its a pretty remarkable thing that makes you so incredibly special and amazing. Not many people are as blessed as you. With great trials come such great blessings and you defintely have a hard trial to live with my sweet little B, but I know you can concure this life and come out so strong and faithful. Keep fighting for who you are and never forget that you are a son of God and as his son you are heir to all of his blessings. I love you so much and couldn't ask for a better little boy.
I love you,                                        
Mom                                         

Tayton,
    You are the runt of the litter. You were my tiniest baby and you never seemed to grow. You started out in this life with so many health problems and I was always so worried that I was going to lose you. You are still so tiny and so fragile and so precious. You are so funny and so animated. I love listening to you tell me stories and I love to see your face light up when I tell you I love you. You call me your sweet mommy and tell me how much you love me all the time. When you tell me you love me, you make sure you look straight into my eyes and I can see and feel the love radiating from you.
     You are the youngest boy behind 2 big brothers and I know that sometimes you feel like you get lost in the shuffle. I know that you are still so little and still trying to find your place in our family. You want to be big like your brothers and tell me every day that when you slept last night you grew a little bit, but then you want me to hold you and carry you like a baby. I love to kiss your soft lips, tiny nose and cheeks and I do it often. You tell me all the time that I already kissed you and then tell me to kiss you again. You are scared of snakes and puppies and when I tuck you in at night you have to tell me about your fears and I try to ease them for you by telling you I will protect you. You ask me all the time if I joking with you and when you want something you get Aowyn on your side and tell me its 2 against 1. I often wonder where you get these silly things from. Some days you drive me crazy with your silly shinanigans and how much you like to cause mayhem, but every night when I tuck you into bed, or anytime you crawl into my lap and ask me to cuddle you or read you a book, I forget about your craziness and just see my sweet precious tiny little boy. Your little boy toddler years are almost over, and they passed too quickly. Im excited for you to start school and to begin to excersize your independence, but I am going to miss you like crazy at the same time. Who is going to tease me and try to scare me while your at school? Who is going to dry my tears and try to fix me when Im sad or sick? You bring a smile to my face all the time and make me laugh like I never knew I could. I sometimes want to squeeze you and kiss you so much so that you can feel how strong my love is for you. You have such a deep love for Jesus and tell me all the time that he made everything around us. You tell me all the time how beautiful I am and how beautiful things I do are. You are perfect for cheering me up and making me feel better about myself. You tell me all the time that I am the best mom ever and you really mean it. When you are sorry for something you come to me and sit in my lap and rub my cheeks as you tell me you are sorry, and I know that you really are. You tell me when I get mad at you for messing up again and again that you are trying and it breaks my heart that I ever got frustrated with you in the first place.
    When I tuck you into bed at night you rub my face and tell me sweet dreams. You tell me you love me so much and in that moment I can't imagine anything better. You are a crazy one and I wouldnt have it any other way. I am excited to see what you are going to become as you get older. Your personality is so huge that you can be so many things. I want you to know that even though you are the littlest boy that you are in no way the last in my eyes. You mean so much to me and I feel like sometimes I don't show it to you as much as I could. I want to read to you more and play games with you more. I LOVE board games and so do you, I love to play them with you and see the wheels turning in your mind as you learn new things. You get into so many things but I know its just your busy, curious little mind at work. I hear you talking to yourselves and singing and playing with toys for hours at a time and it makes my heart want to burst with love for you. You are perfect, my beautiful little Tator Tot. I wouldn't change a thing about you. Never lose that fire and passion for life. Never lose that sweet, innocent love that you have for life, knowledge and the world around you. When we went to visit Uncle Keyn you wanted to give him so many hugs. You remind me of me when I was little, I wanted to fix anyone who was sick or hurt and the only way I knew how to do that was with love, and through hugs and kisses. It truly is such a beautiful and powerful thing to see that love in you. You are a nurturer at heart and I hope that your "baby hulk" rage will be used for good as you grow older, that you will put that passion and fire and drive into helping other people and in making a difference in this world. Our family would not be the same with out you in it. You are such a huge assesst to our crazy group. I love you Taytay with all of my heart.
                                                                                                         Love,
                                                                                                             Mommy

Aowyn,

     My only daughter, Oh how much I love you. I never knew how much I needed you till I had you. Sometimes I look at you and can't believe you are really mine. You are perfect in every way possible. I was so scared of having a girl because I don't have the best female relationships in my family. I was afraid that I wouldn't know how to be a mom to a little girl. But then you came a long and proved me wrong. You are everything I could have imagined and more. You have changed me in ways that I could never explain. You hold my face in your hands and peer into my eyes and softly say, "Mama!!" and I know in that one word that you love me more then life itself. You softly kiss my lips and cheeks and lay your head on my chest and I know that you feel safe. I pray that we never lose the bond that we have. I hope that you always know how much I love you and how much you mean to me. I see what an amazing women you are going to become. I watch you be a little mommy to your brothers and to me and daddy and I can't wait to watch you become a mother to your future children. You are so kind and nurturing. I feel like you were sent to me to teach me how to be like that again. Sometimes I feel so run ragid and worn out and I snap for no reason and you come and hold me and pat my back and let me know that it will be okay, and that I can be better. Sometimes I wonder how such a huge loving spirit can fit into such a tiny little body.
     After having your three brothers I prayed that you would be the perfect little girly girl and you are. You love to play with babies, care bears, princesses and ponies. You love purses, make up, shoes, dresses, and dancing. You are my little mini me. You never leave my side and always want to be held or to help me with whatever I am doing. When I put on make up you do too. Everything is so wonderful and beautiful to you. You get excited about everything and make the most adorable happy/excited face I have ever seen. You are a little comedian and make us all laugh all the time. You want to sit on my lap for everything, including eating dinner and sometimes I get overwhelmed and want a break and then you cry and I realize that you are only little like this once, that one day you wont want me or need me as much as you do now. I know that one day you are going to go off and start a life of your own and then I just want to hold you every second I can. You are growing up too fast and I just want to hold onto your little babiness for as long as I can. I want to kiss you all the time and I am so glad that you let me. I love to hold your tiny little hands and pinch your adorably tiny little butt. I love to sing songs with you and watch princesse movies with you. It melts my heart with you look at me and say "mama!" Its almost like you sigh it as you say it, like that one word contains all of your love and joy and happiness. Sometimes I get frustrated at the things you do, that you only do because you are little and learning and I realize through your love for me that I need to be a better, more patient teacher for you. Sometimes I am a little selfish and I want time to myself, you don't like to give it to me, and even when I hide you find me and cry for me, I can't stand to hear you cry so I always come to you and hold you and you snuggle into my shoulder, tuck your arms under you and pull your body in close to me and I realize that there is no room for selfishness in this life. That true happiness doesn't come from being alone or on my own but that true happiness comes from being a mom, to your and your brothers and a wife. You teach me things all the time. I hope that you never give up that selfless love. I hope that you are a million times better mom then me and that I am able to teach you something, but most of all I hope you never doubt that I love you and that you always know how much you mean to me. 
     Its hard to believe that you are even real my sweet little angel baby. You are my princess and I adore you. I love to hold you in my arms and to kiss your sweet head. I love to hear you say new words and to watch you take in and learn about the world around you. I have no doubt that you were sent here to save me and to change the world, one loving act at a time. You have so much love and happiness wrapped up in your little body that its almost impossible for anyone around you to not feel it raidiating off of you. You brighten a room just by being in it and your smile is contagious. You have united our family and have brought a lot of sparkle into our lives. You are the perfect daughter for me and I can only hope that I am the perfect mother for you. I love you so much my darling princess and I always will. I am so glad that I have you as my little twin and partner in crime and I am so glad that your brothers have such a sweet, kind and caring little sister. I see the change that you bring into their lives every day. You help remind them that love is always the most important emotion and that kindness can change people. You never let us be unhappy for too long before you come in and cheer us all up. You are everything this family needs to help keep us strong and loving. 
                                                                                                         I love you Wynnie,
                                                                                                              Mama