My brother in laws accident

Our family has recently gone through a major life changing event. A week and a half before Christmas, on Sunday December 15th around 5:45 am, we were awoken by a call from my mother in law. We know if she is calling this early that it can't be good news. We were informed that my 18 year old brother in law was in a car wreck in the early hours of the morning. He suffered from a traumatic brain injury and was in a coma. As soon as we were sure people from Noahs work were awake, we began making phone calls trying to get Noah and I on the soonest plane to Alaska that we could. None of the airlines had very many flights opened since it was Christmas time and every airline that did have tickets were not willing to do bereavement flights. We finally made the decision to just send Noah because we could not afford to spend $3,000 dollars on tickets, ($1500 a piece) and the only return flight they could get for both of us was after Christmas and after all we were going through I could not bare the thought of leaving my kids at home with out us for Christmas. Landon had been diligently counting down the days until Christmas and I felt this giant hole in the pit of my stomach when I thought about not being with my kids for Christmas. 

Noah ending up leaving just 2.5 hours after his ticket was bought. We went through a lot of fuss at his work about this. They wanted him to wait until the next day, (when it was not a weekend day.) They told him that if he did not come in to sign and submit his leave that he could be considered AWOL. This was very disappointing to us to see his work be so unwilling to lend a hand in our time of need. When Noah's Dad died in 2009 (click here to read about Kurt)  his work in Vegas bent over backwards to help us in any way possible, this was definitely a different work environment for us. Noah was finally able to get a hold of his boss and was given the go ahead to leave (he was already on the plane at this point.) I remember dropping him off and bawling my eyes out on the drive home. I kept having to wipe my tears away so that I could see where I was going. I took a wrong exit and ended up taking a longer way home then I planned on. Noah called at one point on my drive home to tell me that they found a fracture in Keyns neck and this did nothing to help dry my tears. I felt like the flood gates that had been working so hard to keep the tears away, finally could not handle it anymore and just burst open. I had been trying so hard to be the strong one for Noah, but Noah was gone and I was alone and their was no one around that I needed to be strong for.

I picked up the kids from a friends house and tried so hard to hide my tears. I did not want them to be scared or confused. When we got home I sat down with them and talked to them and cried with them. I don't think they really understood, or still really understand what is going on. 

That night and on into the next day I felt very numb and dark inside. I wanted so badly to be there for my husband and sister in laws and mother in law. I wanted to be there to hold them and to cry with them and to just be a part of the decision making. I wanted to be there for Keyn and his girlfriend. I talked to my sister in law on the phone on the way to take Noah to the airport and when she told me she wanted me there I thought a giant hole had been ripped open even bigger deep inside of me. I felt like I was betraying his family by not going. I wanted to be there for them but I also wanted to be there for me. I wanted to see Keyn and to talk to him and to let him know how much I loved him. I wanted to be around all the people who loved Keyn and just be able to cry with them. I didn't want to deal with day to day things, like fixing lunch and taking the kids to school and breaking up fights and go on living life like nothing was wrong.

 Monday went by in a giant blur, I don't remember much that was happening. I let the kids stay home from school and they basically ran around with free reign. I had a friend come over and keep me company but it did not do much to dispel the darkness that seemed to be taking over my insides. I got more phone calls from Noah letting me know how Keyn was and any new news they had. We were told that when they found Keyn on the scene of the accident that on the Glasgow Coma Scale Keyn was a 3 (the worst rating, 15 being the best). We also found out that he was not wearing a seat belt and they had hit a patch of black ice and ran into a pole while driving to get a late night meal from Taco Bell. The driver and 2 other passengers sustained much less severe injuries. The friend sitting next to Keyn, who was in the vehicle on the side of impact, broke his pelvis. The pole went into his side of the vehicle and should have killed him, they think that what saved him was Keyn pulling him out of the way. Keyns head flopped back and forth on the impact and his brain scrapped the top of his skull, something called sheering, which basically means it cut part of the brain away. He was bleeding from his ears and nose which was the immediate evidence of the sheering.

I put the kids to bed much later then usual and went downstairs and sat on the couch and bawled into a pillow. I thought about my brother in law and the life that he led. I thought about how many times Noah and I wished that we were there in Alaska to help out his family after his Dad died. I thought about what a great uncle Keyn was to our kids and how much they loved him. I thought about how many times Keyn would ask for mine and Noahs advice on things when we would visit. I thought about the adorable little boy who always wanted to hang out with me when Noah and I started dating. I thought about how lost and sad Keyn has seemed since their Dad died. I looked at pictures of him and the kids and just kept thinking about the future and how unknown it was for him. As much as I wanted him to be okay and to wake up from his coma, I just wasn't sure this would be the case. I thought about how young he was and how much of his life he still had ahead. I thought about his girl friend and how hard all of this must be on her. I cried until I thought I had no tears left and then I prayed my heart out. I asked my Father in Heaven for some peace. I told him that I did not know how I was supposed to go on with life as usually while Noah sat in a hospital watching his brother sleep. I told him that I did not know if I was strong enough for this. I wrestled with him over the thoughts that I had in my mind. I asked him why this? why now? what more can this family possibly take and still survive? I told him how much I needed one of my very best friends Kirsten, who lives in New Mexico. I just felt like I needed someone there to help me not get lost in my thoughts that were surely leading me to a much darker place then I already was in.

After I pleaded with the Lord to ease my ache and to ease the ache of my family members I called my mom to tell her the latest news on Keyn. Not even 5 minutes into the conversation I hear a knock at my door. It was nearly 11 pm and I had no idea who could be here at such a late hour. I opened the door and standing there with her two little girls and holding her new born baby boy was Kirsten. The tears started to flow again. My prayers of only a few minutes before had been answered. My dear friend drove for 17 hours with her 3 little ones in tow, the week before Christmas to come be with me. I don't think I have ever in my life been so happy to see some one standing at my door. Her oldest daughter told me that they came because thats what you do for family, and we were their family. I can not even begin to explain the love that I have for this family. We have been through so much together. Kirsten has become one of my life lines and I am so blessed to have her in my life. As soon as she got the phone call from me about Keyn and about my wanting to be there with them she offered to come watch my kids, so that I could go be there with my family. After this fell through she talked to her husband and told him that I was not able to get a ticket to go up there, he told her to "go". He said that I needed her and that he wanted her to come be with me. What a true blessing this family is in my life.

The next week was hard on both of us. I was still struggling with my feelings of wanting to be in Alaska, while we had 7 kids all 7 and under running around the house. Emotions were running high. As much as the kids all love and adore each other, being stuck in a house for days on end was wearing on them as it was with Kirsten and I. (We also were "blessed" with a major snow storm that left us home bound. And resulted in our van getting stuck in the drive way several times. Thankfully I had some guardian angels watching over me who came to shovel our drive way and walks several times.) There were silly little arguments and fights happening all over the place, but every night when it was calm and quiet, I would get lost in my thoughts and the darkness would start to slip back in I had Kirsten to turn to. She kept me sane. I think both of us were going insane with the kids, but truth be told Im not sure I would have survived the week with out her. I would take the craziness of our kids that week a million times more rather then going through that week alone. We sat up at night and just talked and I cried and she let me. I could not even begin to count the number of times that she and I have been their for each other just to be a shoulder for the other one to cry on. Kirsten used to live in Alaska, so she knew Keyn and Noah's whole family and having that person who knew them all first hand and cared about them too did so much to ease my heart and helped keep the darkness at bay. Noah came home the Saturday before Christmas and Kirsten left that Sunday. It was so hard to say goodbye to her. She is like a sister to me in every sense of the word except for blood relations. 

I grew so close to my Heavenly Father that week, and in the weeks since Keyns accident. I have felt a bond to him that I don't think I have ever really felt in such a deep and profound way. I knew with utmost certainty that he was aware of me and of the deep pleadings of my heart. He sent Kirsten to me before I even asked for her. I knew then, that without a shadow of a doubt that my Father in Heaven knew me. That he knew my brother in law and that he was watching over him. I felt such an overwhelming amount of peace when I just let the darkness go. When I turned my pain over to him and realized that I was holding onto fear. A fear of the unknown. A fear of what the future held for Keyn. A fear of the pain that was to come for all of us in the coming weeks. The fear and despair were feeding the darkness inside of me and when I gave that over to my Father in Heaven I felt such a brightness of peace and of hope came over me. I still did not know what the future would hold for our family. I had no idea if Keyn would wake up and what kind of life he would have if and when he did, but I did know that my Father in Heaven was also Keyn's Father in Heaven and that his love for Keyn was so much more than any of his earthly family could possible imagine. I knew that Keyn was surrounded by God and by his love. I knew that for what ever reason, our family was supposed to go through this trial. That what ever lay at the end of this path was more then any of us could ever comprehend at this time. 

It has been a month now since Keyns accident and he is still in a coma. He can move his head around and shakes his legs, Noahs oldest sister has named this act "crazy legs" because of how much they shake and move. He has opened his eye lids a little and will respond to questions people ask by squeezing their hands. He only does these things sometimes, and we think they are during moments when his mind is awake and not resting. We all talk to him and his sisters read to him. Noah tries to talk to him every night over facetime. They have put in a trache and a feeding tube and ended up shaving his head. I joke with him that he is not going to like it very much, because he has been in love with his hair for as long as I have known him. The last time I joked with him about this is moved his mouth like he was chewing something. This is the exact same thing Noah does when he sleeps, something I have teased him about for years because it literally sounds like he is eating a four course meal in his sleep. I almost wondered if he was trying to say something to me and when I told him he was doing the same thing Noah does in the middle of the night, he shook his head. I felt the tears welling up in my eyes because I felt so strongly that he heard me and was trying so hard to communicate. A friend of the family told us to start looking for signs of his communication. She said that since coma patients can't talk they have to find other ways to communicate and that Keyn had those patterns for communication we just had to figure out what they were.

 He looks so peaceful and thin and frail laying there in the hospital bed. I often wonder how much time he is spending talking to Heavenly Father and wondering how much he will remember when he wakes up. I wonder if he has seen his dad and has got to visit with family members who have passed away. I wonder if he is spending time learning things from Heavenly Father. I wonder if he is scared, trapped inside a body that won't work. Or if he even understands whats going on. We still do not know when he will wake up or what kind of life he will lead after he does. But what I do know is that God's love is infinite. There is no end to his power and his mercy and grace. He doesn't see us as random people, he sees us as his children. Noah said at one time while he was up in Alaska they heard the song, "He's got the whole world in his hands." And I can say that I firmly believe that. I don't know what stands in store for Keyn and for our family. I don't know what all the future holds for us, or what pain and heart ache is to come. But I do know that the Lord knows and I have faith in the him and part of that means having faith in his plan and in his timing. As long as I am willing to give that pain over to him, he is there willing to take it and he is there to hold me until I am ready to stand again. 

How beautiful that knowledge is.

How grateful I am for the peace that he brings to me when my insides feel so dark.

Crazy catch up part 2

The last few months have been pretty crazy around here. 

Here is just a few of the things that have been happening around here:

*Landon had mono and was out of school for over 2 weeks and missed out on over a month of basketball.

* Aurie was diagnosed with Graves disease after being super sick for months. Its been a long battle, one that is far from over, and its a daily struggle that we are learning as a family.

*Aowyn learned how to walk.

*Braddoc started preschool and is riding the bus to school.

*Aurie found out she is super allergic to narcotics which is what one of the meds for Graves is, so we are all learning new life styles to help support Graves. One of those changes is eliminating Red Dye #40 from our diet. That's been super fun. :(

*Braddoc started OT therapy and we are learning new coping skills for him, including proprioception activities for him.

*We bought a new van. BEST THING EVER!!! We finally have lots more room and don't feel so squished.

*Landon is now reading chapter books.

*My brother and sister in law came to visit.

*We celebrated Landon and Braddoc's half birthdays. (yes we do that)

*Noah and I celebrated 8 years of marriage.

*Noah got a new job as the training manager at his work and it has been great for our family.

*Taytons reflux started acting up again and he has made it an art of throwing up on his brothers.

*Tayton got super sick and was so very sick for days. He did not sleep at night so Noah took a bunk bed mattress and slept on Taytons floor for several nights in a row. (have I mentioned how much my husband rocks?) Tayton lost 3 lbs during this time and has not gained them back.

Here is A LOT of pictures to show you have we have spent the last few months.

Aowyn is a walking champ now. She hardly ever crawls and I am so happy for her and for her pants, now maybe she won't ruin so many of them at the knees.

She loves it and feels like such a big girl.

She started walking right around Valentines day.

LOVE HER.

Tayton and Aowyn are the best of friends, and get into lots of trouble together.

Aowyn LOVES to help me with laundry and as soon as I go in the laundry room she is not far behind and likes to help me move clothes from the washer to the dryer. 

And recently she decided that she also liked getting into the dryer......

Braddoc is a pro at lining things up. He LOVES to do it. Thats how he plays with his toys.

But heaven forbid someone touches it....

Like I said before, Aowyn and Tayton are double trouble.

They love to play together and love to get into trouble together.

Sometimes I think they have made an Art of it.

Aowyn will find anything and everything that people leave out. Including plates with ketchup on them that did not make it to the sink. Who ever thought the floor was a good place to leave a plate apparently didn't remember that we had a 2.5 foot tall mouse in our house. 

Either that or they were trying to help her get to the goods.

This is by far my favorite face that she makes.

L.O.V.E HER!!!!!!

Our most recent adventure with Aowyn was when my parents send a valentines box for the kids and some shared the candy with Aowyn when I was in the shower.

She in turn shared the chocolate with the couch and pillows.... such a good sharer she is.

I think the little tiny hand print was my favorite. 

Noah got her dress and she was just so adorable in her Valentines outfit.

My parent sent her a bunch of necklaces and she had a blast wearing them. Up until then she was using the boys binoculars for her necklaces. Every morning when she woke up she would find the binoculars and put them on.

The first pictures is the after shot of the chocolate fiasco. The second is how cute she looked before.

We had heart shaped pizza for our Valentines day dinner. Its a fun tradition we have to have a heart shaped dinner on Valentines day.

Last year was a heart shaped meat loaf. 

This year I think the pizza was a bigger hit.

Aowyn likes to get into the baby wipes and has a fun little party playing with them. 

I think this happens on a daily basis. 

I am getting better at not leaving the wipes on the couch, but boy when I forget and leave them out she is on it so fast.....

 The kids all opening their Valentines stuff from Nana and Pops.

This kid cracks me up.

Lately he has started getting really mad at people and things and when he does he calls them names. Its kind of hard to punish him because I die laughing at the mean names he calls us and other things. I have no idea where he comes up with it.

My favorite one so far has been, "Freaking Cat". First of all, what? and Second of all, I have no idea where he has ever heard that? He called me that one day and I had to walk away because I was laughing so hard. One day Noah was on his knees trying to get Tayton to put on his shows and Tayton looks at him and says, "You a Girl!!!" when Noah doesn't respond and says, "Put your shoes on," Tayton follows it up with, "Ew hear me dad? Ew hear me call you a GIRL!" Seriously busted gut laughing. 

One day when the tv was acting up he yells, "Freaking cat." Okay so apparently he hates cats and people need to really watch their mouth around me ubber smart 2 year old.

The chocolate fiasco has a beginning.

Aowyn was climbing on stuff before she could even walk.

Yeah we are in for a world of trouble.

She also does this super high pitched skreetch when she is upset.

Girl all the way!!!

 Aowyn loves her babies.

She is such a girl and such a little mommy. 

She gets her babies and pats them on the back and holds them close. She puts them to bed and rocks them and sings to them.

Seriously!!! I love having a girl. 

She is just so stinking perfect.

This is what we do when Landon's at school. 

Maybe?

Okay not really, but it was super cute!!

I finally felt half way decent and one night for craft night I finally put together Aowyn's wooden name and got it up on her wall.

Tayton has started drawing and not just eating crayons.

Okay well he still eats crayons but he draws too.

Aowyn found her new favorite hiding spot.

I find her in here a lot.

She is also a big fan of corners. Not sure why, but I find her just chilling in the corner a lot.

Sometimes she comes out stinky....maybe that's her thing.

This kid is a mess.

A messy mess.

The only thing I really love about our one story house is that Aowyn will just walk to her room to play.

Braddocs half birthday.

Yes thats a my little pony car.

Yes he is a boy.

Yes he loves my little pony and this remote control car.

I think its adorable.

See his tongue hanging out? This is how Noah and I know he is getting anxious.

We started celebrating half birthdays just at home with our little family. 

WHY? 

Because we don't buy them anything during the year, they earn allowance to buy their own things. And then when Aowyn was born in December (when all the boys are in the summer) we decided that we did not only want to buy her stuff once a year. We love that the boys birthdays are in the summer and so they can get stuff half way through the year without only getting stuff around Christmas. So that's what sprung our half birthday celebrations.

Now all our kids get stuff in the summer and around Christmas.

He would rather be in undies. 

He hates clothes.

At least he only does it at home.

Tayton found Aowyns hiding spot.

 Enjoying her wipes and bottle.

Just

 Getting into silly messes together.

Braddoc loves to take pictures with my camera and my phone.

Its funny that he never uses his camera we got him for Christmas.

Guess mine is just more fun.

I love how these two have bonded so well together.

Its Almost impossible to get a good picture of them all together.

Landon loves puzzles and had a blast putting this one together with Noah.

I loved doing puzzles with my grandmother Ruby, so I love that Landon enjoys doing them too.

Not sure why he thought it was a good idea to get into the high chair.

Yes he got stuck.

Yes I laughed at him.

Yes I got him.

Tayton and Aowyn have become best friends since Braddoc started school.

I love that Braddoc loves his hats so much.

Everyone tells me how jealous they are that I have a kid who is obsessed with hats.

I think its cute!

Aowyn is a food hog.

She steals her brothers food.

She sneaks anything she can get her hands on.

This time she got Braddocs leftover plate and licked up his ketchup.

Yum?

Landon had his half birthday and since the kids is obsessed with puzzles, he got puzzles.

The kids really loved the cake.

Aowyn loves to be at the big kid table and has to have cereal like her brothers.

I was diagnosed with Graves a few months ago and because of the Graves I shake a lot. 

I tend to drop a lot of things because I just have horrible grip. 

I was opening a box of cereal and dropped the whole thing, thankfully not a ton spilled.

Learning to live with the Graves..... so fun! :(

Landon played a lot of basketball. He is #7.

Aowyn is just a doll!!!

I thought you should know!

Tayton is my angel.

He is also sneaky and a little mini hulk.

It makes for a good mix.

He keeps me on my toes and I just adore him.

If you cant tell he has a whole box worth of fruit snacks under him.

Best buddies!

And in keeping with Basketball.....more basketball.

Braddoc loves squinkies and because of that, I find them all over the house.

I think they are so cute.

Cleaning them up for weeks however is not fun.

Tayton is obsessed with Play doh at the moments, and the mess from that keeps me busy as well.

This was a daily occurance for awhile. Tayton will play with the playdoh for hours.

Again, ADORABLE!!!

I super glad that he is my Valentine.

And these two.....

Inpromptu Gangnam style dance parties are the best.

I think the best part was that they took turns MCing for each other.

Even Aowyn was getting down.

My brother and his wife came into town to visit. 

I really love those guys and it was great to have them come see us.

This is the end of our playing Quelf.... the best game ever.

If you haven't play it you should.

You do weird and wild and crazy things and it totally takes you out of your comfort zone.

I LOVE IT!!!!

(at one point I had to talk like I had no teeth, with a sock puppet, hence the weirdo face)

Ninjas RULE!

Mummies.....drool?

And necklaces made out of tulle are oh so cool.

Aowyn was having a blast with her Aunt and Uncle. 

(she looks like a troll when you take her hair tie out....)

You know... this is how she rolls.

A Light saber is part of her wardrobe.

Needless to say we had a blast and we hated that they had to leave.... :(

Hide and seek.... I love the little toes peeking out.

We introduced the kids to Dont Eat Pete.... I pretty much love that game.

Tayton got a little crazy and ate way to many M&Ms..... he was an expert Dont Eat Pete played though. He got down to pete last every time.

She loves singing.

My poor guy was sick for quit a few days. I felt so bad for him. He was so sad and miserable.

I just wanted to cuddle with him, but he wanted to be alone.

He was up all night crying every night.

Noah slept in his room.

He cried all day.

He was finally old enough to tell me that he didn't feel good and what hurt, so that was a sickness break through.

Im glad he is feeling better.

Part 3 of catch up too come soon.