Peace

A few weeks ago, shortly after we put the kids to bed I hear Aowyn coughing but to me it sounded more like a throw up cough then just a cough. Noah went upstairs to check on her and right before he opened the door I heard her soft sweet tiny voice cry out, "Dada!" It broke my heart. He opened the door and she was standing there with throw up all over her face and in her hair. He took her into the bathroom and put her in the bath where she was crying the whole time. I changed out the sheets on her bed and held her downstairs in my arms, with her cuddled up under her towel. I put some oil on her to help her with her cough and she just layed there so soft and sweet. 

We put her to bed in our bed and Noah asked me if I wanted to lay down with her, just then she walked up behind him and said, "Mama?" So of course I couldn't say no to my sweet girl. I layed in bed with her and she grabbed my hand and held it in hers, she laced her tiny little fingers in mine and I rubbed her hand. She rested her head on mine and fell asleep. After about 5 minutes she sat up and leaned over to me, I grabbed the bowl and my poor baby threw up again. After she was done Noah asked her if she wanted a blessing and she sweetly said, "Yes!" in her adorable baby girl voice. So he gave her a blessing and when he was done, she looked at him, pointed at me and said, "Mama". I have been hurting a lot still since my surgery and she has been trying so hard to take care of me. So Noah gave me a blessing too, which was much needed. He went back over to her to talk to her and she pointed at him and said, "Dada!" And put both of her hands on his head. It was so sweet!

After that she rolled over and reached behind her to grab my hand. I put my hand over her little body and felt her soft sweet breathing making my hand rise up and down. She wrapped her hand in mine again and this time she was rubbing my hand, I nestled my face into her sweet smelling hair and she rubbed her tiny little foot along my leg. It was one of the most beautiful times Ive had as a mom. I really just was enjoying laying there with her, marveling at how I got so lucky to have such a sweet little girl. I felt so bad for her and how sick she was feeling but so blessed at the same time to get to have such a sweet moment with my daughter. It was something that makes motherhood so very special, sometimes we just need to stop and take in the beauty of what is right there in front of us. Such a simple beautiful moment that I am ashamed to say I would have missed had I thought of checking facebook while I lay there in bed with her. 

After a few minutes of just watching her drift off to sleep, I too closed my eyes and just took in how beautiful I felt. I just felt so much peace and thanked Heavenly Father that I was able to be there in that moment, that I was able to be a mom, and that I was able to be there in that bed at that moment creating a beautiful memory with my sweet girl. I always want my children to know I am there for them, I never want them to doubt that or to think that anything is more important to me then they are. I never want them to ever feel anything but love and safety when they are in my arms. I want them to feel at peace and drift off to sleep knowing that nothing in the world can harm them. There are so many things in this world that can distract us and our children from the things that are right and special and sacred. I dont want to miss one moment of there delicatness. I dont want to miss any of the small, sweet details of their lives, they are my babies and I am their mother and those are the most important things in my life (aside from my sweet husband and the gospel of Jesus Christ, its all part of the same thing for me). 

So much can be done and learned when we silence the world and just enjoy the beauty that is right there in front of us. The peace and the comfort and the beauty that is part of Gods natural plan for us. The rest of it falls by the wayside, it doesn't really matter when we just stop and look at the great miracles of life that are right there in front of us, these sacred little miracles of life that are put in our care as parents. They don't need much from us, they just need our love, our support, our safety and our presence.

This little lady is so full so sass and spunk. I just love it!! She is perfect. Im not sure where she got the kissy faces from (probably because we kiss a ton) but now she tells me to do it all the time, it cracks me up. I don't know what I would do with out her and her sweet little spirit, she keeps me grounded and teaches me so much about love and patience, she is going to be a great mommy one day and Im so excited to get to be a part of her life.

Treasures on earth

Ive been thinking a lot about my life in general. Ive been thinking about what I think the most important things in my life are and about who I really want to be. How do I measure my own success in life and how does that lead me to act on a daily basis? (thats for another post all together.) Something that really has been a no brainer to me is that my Family, my husband and my children are really the most important things in my life. They are my treasures.

 President Hinckley said: 

"God bless you, dear friends. Do not trade your birthright as a mother for some bauble of passing value. Let your first interest be in your home. The baby you hold in your arms will grow quickly as the sunrise and the sunset of the rushing days. I hope that when that occurs you will not be led to exclaim as did King Lear, “How sharper than a serpent’s tooth it is to have a thankless child!” (King Lear, I, iv, 312). Rather, I hope that you will have every reason to be proud concerning your children, to have love for them, to have faith in them, to see them grow in righteousness and virtue before the Lord, to see them become useful and productive members of society. If with all you have done there is an occasional failure, you can still say, “At least I did the very best of which I was capable. I tried as hard as I knew how. I let nothing stand in the way of my role as a mother.” Failures will be few under such circumstances." 

My children are my most priceless treasure. No amount of wealth or gold or success in my life will ever compare to how much my success as their mother means to me. The love that they have for me is endless, the only person that can change that, is me. I never want to lose their love, I always want to be worthy of it, to deserve every single bit of love they have for me. Children forgive so easily and love so unconditionally, I hope that I always deserve their forgiveness and their unconditional love.

Matthew 6:19, 20 says  19 ¶Lay not up for yourselves ^atreasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves ^bbreak through and steal:

 20 But lay up for yourselves ^atreasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor ^bsteal:

These are my treasures that neither moth nor rust can corrupt. The world will try its hardest to corrupt them, but If I take care of them and treat them with love and kindness, if I nurture them and protect them and do everything to treasure them then I will have them as my children forever. 

It pains me too look at the world and to see so many moms treasuring those things of worldly value, I want to hold them and plead with them to look at their precious children, who are right in front of them, those precious children who are their life and greatest reward. I wish they could see that their greastest success lies with their children. I ache to see them missing out on so much happiness simply because they can not see the great gift that has been given to them. The world tells us to look to it for validation, gratification and happiness. The Lord knows better then this and tells us to look to our children, to look into our homes and at our most sacred relationships. This is where the treasures lie, this is where the true validation, gratification and happiness can be found.

I am so honored to be called a mother, to have 4 beautiful little spirits looking to me to hold their hand and guide them through life.

Lead me 

Guide me

Walk beside me

Help me find the way

Teach me all that I must know, to live with him (Heavenly Father) someday

Such a beautiful and simple message. In that short little chorus to one of my childhood hymns is laid all the knowledge and power that the world has to offer.  Lead our children by our example, Guide our children by helping them navigate their way on the path of righteousness through a world of sin, and Walk beside them, holding their hand and taking each step along the way with them. It is our sacred and noble jobs as mothers to show them the way back to their Heavenly home. These little fresh from God spirits, are our jewels that God has given us in this life. And like any jewel we must keep is close to us, treasure its great value and protect it. 

Family pictures from 2012

These pictures were taken by my WONDERFULLY talented friend Mary Anne.

Be Present

Before the start of this year I was feeling very overwhelmed with my job as a mother. I felt like the world and its noise spoke so much louder then my influence was. I sought after ways to bring the spirit into my home more. I was praying a lot, and asking my Heavenly Father for some motherly guidance. At times, I felt like I could not even hear myself think, the world is so full of noise and it breeds chaos, and I felt that chaos slowly creeping its way into my home. I desperately wanted to silence the world and have my home be a place where the spirit was felt so strongly that my children could not deny the difference in the feeling between our home and the rest of the world. 

I feel at times as if the world is trying to pull us in all different directions. Everywhere I look there is some one else telling me how to be a good mother and how to live my life. I go on pinterest and feel like I'm not doing enough as a mom. I feel like I should bake more, craft more, play learning games with them more, build fun contraptions in the yard in the summer and entertain them in the winter. I feel like I should braid Aowyns hair daily, and pick out the perfect clothes for my kids to wear for the day. I feel like I should coupon and decrease our budget. I feel the need to reorganize my whole house monthly. I go on facebook and see all these peoples lives, and most of them seem perfect. They are perfectly dressed, handle problems with grace, have perfect kids and perfect marriages and I feel like I am doing something so terribly wrong. Pinterest and Facebook are not bad, Ive just had to learn to look through the mess and find the things that will be truly helpful to me. Thankfully there are messages out there, blog posts, newspaper articles and talks that help strengthen me. 

One of the messages out there that I have loved is by a singer of one of my favorite musical groups, Mercy River. The blog post is titled, "You are their perfect mother", go here to read her post. I pondered on this concept a lot and thought about all the static and noise that the world has to offer. I thought about all the advice out there and about how simple and true her words are. God gave me my children because just as much as I need them, they need me. ME!! Not pinterest mom, or picture perfect mom, but me. Dance crazy, sing silly, cuddle and read books, plan and execute adventures, vacation loving, holiday enthusiast, ME!!!! Reading her article opened my eyes to a lot of things that I was letting into my life. I instantly saw the evils of the world creeping in and consuming my life. I decided it was time to make some changes and so I went to the Lord in prayer again and the answer to my prayers was two simple words, BE PRESENT.

Such a simple thing right, being present? I'm here with them every day, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I am very much physically present in their lives, but what really struck me, and what I felt like was the deeper meaning to my answer was being spiritually and emotionally present more often.

I love older movies. Not necessarily those of the black and white variety, but movies about the 40s, 50s, and 60s. Movies about peoples lives back when life was simpler. Back when there wasn't a TV in every room, there was no such thing as a smart phone or facebook or pinterest. There weren't so many things pulling at moms from every direction. Families ate together, and went on vacations together and only had each other for entertainment. People spoke to each other face to face and in order to serve someone you had to actually show up on their front porch ready to work. People supported people. Moms baked cookies and sat around the table teaching their kids, they didn't have social media sites vying for their attention. They held social events and had their homes filled with children and friends. They taught their kids literally at their knees. They were very much present. 

 I'm not on my phone all the time, but I am on my phone at all the wrong times. I will sit with my kids and watch movies with them, and be on my phone checking facebook. Ill sit on the floor and let them play around me while I'm checking my email. When they are riding bikes in the drive way and up and down the side walk I am browsing pinterest. When they are doing their homework I'm looking up what we are going to eat that night for dinner. Im physically present, but thats about it. I crave those older, simpler ways of life. I wish that I did not have social media sites sitting there in the back of my mind, pleading me to come to them. Don't get me wrong, I love Facebook and the ability it has to keep me in touch with people, but I also miss so much face to face time with people. I always justified me checking facebook and pinterest because it was never for more then a few minutes at a time, but I neglected to take into account the things that were going on around me in those few minutes. Was I missing out on valuable mom time? Was I showing my kids that I really cared more about the phone then them? 


President Hinckley has said: There is too much selfishness. There is too much of worldliness in our homes. We need to get back to the basics of respect one for another and concern one for another .

I thought a lot about this quote when I read it and realized how selfish I was being. I was the one letting the world into my home. It wasn't creeping in through cracks and doorways, I was opening the door and letting it waltz right in. Me, the mom, the protector of my home, the defender of faith, the guardian of my children, I was the one letting the world come into our safe haven. It didn't matter how many family home evenings I held, or how many prayers we said as a family, if I was going to just let the devil and the world traipse right into my home and sit down on my couch and be a part of my family. 

I removed facebook from my phone. I decided that social media was only going to come into my home when I wanted it too. Social media is great and has done so many good things and lead to so many great things, but it was invading my home on all levels and I was not going to allow that. I needed to set boundaries for myself. No social media when the kids are awake. (I sometimes check real quick if I am waiting to an answer to a question.) No social media on Sunday. And no social media when I am spending time with my husband. Those 5 minutes I spent checking facebook instead are spent reading a scripture or two. I'm not perfect at this, I still have a lot of work to do and I petition the Lord regularly to help me be mindful of these things.

I'm reminded of a talk I heard years ago called, Good, Better, Best, go here to read the talk. Something that Elder Oaks said touched me and has remained with me,

We have to forego some good things in order to choose others that are better or best because they develop faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and strengthen our families.

Its not that facebook or pinterest are bad things, but in my life, right now, they are NOT the BETTER or BEST things.

I don't want my kids to remember me being on the phone while we watched a movie. I don't want them to remember me being on my phone while they rode bikes. In my mind I was telling myself that I was there, I was cuddling them or outside while they rode their bikes, but in reality I was not at all present. I want them to remember me laughing at the movie with them and devoting my FULL attention to them and the movie. I want remember the looks on their faces when they get the thrill of riding down a hill or letting go of the wheel as they ride their bike down the street. I want to remember how Braddoc closes his eyes and lets the wind hit his face when he is riding his bike. I want to remember how big of a smile crosses Landons face when he learns a new bike trick. I want to remember how fast Tayton pedals his tricycle and how Aowyn concentrates so hard on trying to pedal hers. I want to remember how Braddoc's tongue hangs out of his mouth and how Landon bites his lip when they are working on their homework. I want to remember how they played with their toys and how their imagination works. 

 I love how she runs with her hands in fists, while holding a purse.

I don't think my job as a mom is to entertain them all the time, but I do think its my job as a mom to be ME and to BE PRESENT and to not be on social media all the time, trying to learn how to be a good mom. All the things I need to be a good mom, to my kids, is already inside me. And if I need to find it, I can turn to the lord and ask him for his guidance. The more I am Present the more I learn about who my kids need. They need me to kiss boo boos, to listen, to respond, to care, to laugh with them, to cry with them, to be there for them so that when hard times hit they know they can come to me, they need ME to BE PRESENT.

To my children

Landon,
    I cant believe how lucky I was to get such an awesome little boy as my first child. I remember when I found out that I was having a boy I was sooo excited. I had always wanted a boy first, I want to have a little man to help me when daddy was gone and a sweet boy to hold when things got rough. Daddy was gone most of the time I was pregnant with you and I talked to you so much when you were in my stomach. You loved listening to music that had awesome guitar solos in them like Sweet Home Alabama and you would kick and roll so much every time I turned those songs on.
   When you were born we were inseperable. We spent so much time together playing and singing and running around together. I had so much fun when it was just me and you. And now here you are almost 8 and preparing to be baptised. I can't believe how big you are getting. I could not have asked for a better son. You are so sweet and caring. You give amazing hugs and cuddles. You still kiss me in front of your friends and hold my hand. When I visit you in your class you run over to me and hug me and kiss me and are so proud to have me as your mom. It makes my heart soar to see the happiness in your eyes when I spend time with just you. I know sometimes you get overwhelmed being the oldest child and that you feel a lot of weight and pressure that comes with that job but you do such an amazing job of helping to take care of and play with your little brothers and sister.
   You are so smart and I love how much you love to learn. I love to watch you working on extra work book pages at home and seeing you find so much joy in learning. When I was little I wanted to work with Sea animals and it brings me so much happiness you see you get excited about the same things. You love Sea animals and talk about them all the time. I love to hear you find so much excitment it such special things. When you watch the Disney channel you talk about wanting to act on there one day and I remember wanting the same thing when I was your age. I see so much of me in you. You have a tender heart and cry easily. You are stubborn and strong willed, just like me. You carry the weight of the world on your shoulders and are always worried about other people. Your innocence and child like spirit is still so fresh from God and you sometimes get teased about these things at school. It breaks my heart to see you hurting but I wouldn't change your innocence for anything. I hope you always hold that in your heart and that your spirit stays so tender and fresh from God.
    I can't wait to see the type of adult you will be. I know that you will be an amazing husband and father, especially if you keep your heart and mind turned toward Heavenly Father. You have so much to offer this world and I know that you are going to help and effect so many peoples lives. You have a great mission here on this earth and I know that you will be able to help people find their way back to Heavenly Father.
   I hope you continue to help other people and to care so deeply about others. I hope that you never forget how happy it makes you to serve other people and how close it brings you to Heavenly Father. I love listening to your sweet prayers and to hear about your faith in God. Sometimes I know that its hard to be the oldest, your still learning about life and I am still learning how to be a mom. Hopeful we can be forgiving of each other and help each other as we navigate our paths in this life. If there is anything I could wish for you, it would be for you to find true happiness through your relationship with your Father in Heaven. I love you so much Landon and I love to look into your eyes and see your love for me. You have changed me into a better person and make me a better mother each and every day. Find peace and happiness in this life, through your service to others and your Faith in your God, my sweet boy, and I promise you that you will never be lead astray. Thank you for being patient with me and for loving me even when (and especially when) I make mistakes. Thank you for holding my hand when you know Ive had a rough day and that you for trying so hard to let me know you love me. I love the sweet pictures you draw me and the wonderful stories you write. I love how excited you get about holidays and how happy you are at the fun little things in life. You find such joy in the simple things and I hope you never lose that. Keep on loving life and finding the good in everyone and everything and you will be able to accomplish anything you set your mind too.

                                                                         I love you,
                                                                            Mom

Braddoc,
    Today I got to spend the whole day at the zoo with just you. I was so surprised at the little boy I got to spend so much time with. Sometimes in the noise of our home I know that its hard for you to be yourself, I know that you get overwhelmed by having your little brother and sister follow your every move and them wanting to be just like you. They both love you so much that they want to be like you. I am proud of your example and how much you love them. When I found out that I was having another little boy I was so excited. I knew that you and your big brother would be the best of friends and I have found great joy in watching the two of you grow together. When you were a baby you were so quiet and sweet. I would thank Heavenly Father for blessing me with such a sweet and calm baby. You hardly ever cried. You were about 10 months old when anyone other then me and daddy heard you cry. You are such a blessing to our family. You love for me to cuddle you and rub your back when you get overwhelmed. I love how you much need to be held and cuddled. I love to kiss your head and whisper to you that it will be alright. I love the way your little hand fits into mine and I sometimes wish that you wanted to hold my hand more. I love that you are so rule driven and love to please people by listening and helping them.
    I know that having Aspergers can be really hard and sometimes I wish that I knew how to help you better. Today at the zoo you navigated our way around the zoo by reading and following the map. You told me all about the animals and about how bear babies are called Cubs, you told me about lemurs and polar bears and lizards. One time the Gorilla came face to face with you, where the only thing between the two of you was glass and you got so excited. To see the pure look of joy on your face and how happy and giddy it made you to see the animal so close, melted my heart. It was truly one of the most amazing moments I have had as your mom. I love your Aspergers and I love who it makes you. I love that it gives you such a huge heart and a logical mind. I love that it makes things in this world seem so simple for you, that loving people comes easy to you, and that you care so much about everything. I know that your anxiety makes things a lot harder for you then it is for most people and Its so hard to watch you hurt, but its also beautiful to see you push through and try so hard to grow. I wish I could take away your fear and your pain but I know that it will only make you such a stronger man one day.
       You make me lunches all the time and you are always worried about my well being, sometimes I wonder how someone so little can feel so much. I love singing you bedtime songs and listening to your bed time jokes. I love listening to your stories and learning about how things work in your mind. You are such a special little boy who has so much to offer this world. I can not even begin to tell you how much you mean to me and to this family. You changed me and continue to change me every day. I know that I mess up a lot and that I hurt you when I dont understand you, but Im trying, and we are learning together. I am so proud of how hard you work to convey to me and other people how you are feeling. You have a bright future ahead and our family will be even better because you are apart of it. Never stop caring. Never stop trying and never forget who you are. Never forget that the Aspergers isn't a bad thing, that its a pretty remarkable thing that makes you so incredibly special and amazing. Not many people are as blessed as you. With great trials come such great blessings and you defintely have a hard trial to live with my sweet little B, but I know you can concure this life and come out so strong and faithful. Keep fighting for who you are and never forget that you are a son of God and as his son you are heir to all of his blessings. I love you so much and couldn't ask for a better little boy.

I love you,                                        

Mom                                         

Tayton,

    You are the runt of the litter. You were my tiniest baby and you never seemed to grow. You started out in this life with so many health problems and I was always so worried that I was going to lose you. You are still so tiny and so fragile and so precious. You are so funny and so animated. I love listening to you tell me stories and I love to see your face light up when I tell you I love you. You call me your sweet mommy and tell me how much you love me all the time. When you tell me you love me, you make sure you look straight into my eyes and I can see and feel the love radiating from you.

     You are the youngest boy behind 2 big brothers and I know that sometimes you feel like you get lost in the shuffle. I know that you are still so little and still trying to find your place in our family. You want to be big like your brothers and tell me every day that when you slept last night you grew a little bit, but then you want me to hold you and carry you like a baby. I love to kiss your soft lips, tiny nose and cheeks and I do it often. You tell me all the time that I already kissed you and then tell me to kiss you again. You are scared of snakes and puppies and when I tuck you in at night you have to tell me about your fears and I try to ease them for you by telling you I will protect you. You ask me all the time if I joking with you and when you want something you get Aowyn on your side and tell me its 2 against 1. I often wonder where you get these silly things from. Some days you drive me crazy with your silly shinanigans and how much you like to cause mayhem, but every night when I tuck you into bed, or anytime you crawl into my lap and ask me to cuddle you or read you a book, I forget about your craziness and just see my sweet precious tiny little boy. Your little boy toddler years are almost over, and they passed too quickly. Im excited for you to start school and to begin to excersize your independence, but I am going to miss you like crazy at the same time. Who is going to tease me and try to scare me while your at school? Who is going to dry my tears and try to fix me when Im sad or sick? You bring a smile to my face all the time and make me laugh like I never knew I could. I sometimes want to squeeze you and kiss you so much so that you can feel how strong my love is for you. You have such a deep love for Jesus and tell me all the time that he made everything around us. You tell me all the time how beautiful I am and how beautiful things I do are. You are perfect for cheering me up and making me feel better about myself. You tell me all the time that I am the best mom ever and you really mean it. When you are sorry for something you come to me and sit in my lap and rub my cheeks as you tell me you are sorry, and I know that you really are. You tell me when I get mad at you for messing up again and again that you are trying and it breaks my heart that I ever got frustrated with you in the first place.

    When I tuck you into bed at night you rub my face and tell me sweet dreams. You tell me you love me so much and in that moment I can't imagine anything better. You are a crazy one and I wouldnt have it any other way. I am excited to see what you are going to become as you get older. Your personality is so huge that you can be so many things. I want you to know that even though you are the littlest boy that you are in no way the last in my eyes. You mean so much to me and I feel like sometimes I don't show it to you as much as I could. I want to read to you more and play games with you more. I LOVE board games and so do you, I love to play them with you and see the wheels turning in your mind as you learn new things. You get into so many things but I know its just your busy, curious little mind at work. I hear you talking to yourselves and singing and playing with toys for hours at a time and it makes my heart want to burst with love for you. You are perfect, my beautiful little Tator Tot. I wouldn't change a thing about you. Never lose that fire and passion for life. Never lose that sweet, innocent love that you have for life, knowledge and the world around you. When we went to visit Uncle Keyn you wanted to give him so many hugs. You remind me of me when I was little, I wanted to fix anyone who was sick or hurt and the only way I knew how to do that was with love, and through hugs and kisses. It truly is such a beautiful and powerful thing to see that love in you. You are a nurturer at heart and I hope that your "baby hulk" rage will be used for good as you grow older, that you will put that passion and fire and drive into helping other people and in making a difference in this world. Our family would not be the same with out you in it. You are such a huge assesst to our crazy group. I love you Taytay with all of my heart.

                                                                                                         Love,

                                                                                                             Mommy

Aowyn,

     My only daughter, Oh how much I love you. I never knew how much I needed you till I had you. Sometimes I look at you and can't believe you are really mine. You are perfect in every way possible. I was so scared of having a girl because I don't have the best female relationships in my family. I was afraid that I wouldn't know how to be a mom to a little girl. But then you came a long and proved me wrong. You are everything I could have imagined and more. You have changed me in ways that I could never explain. You hold my face in your hands and peer into my eyes and softly say, "Mama!!" and I know in that one word that you love me more then life itself. You softly kiss my lips and cheeks and lay your head on my chest and I know that you feel safe. I pray that we never lose the bond that we have. I hope that you always know how much I love you and how much you mean to me. I see what an amazing women you are going to become. I watch you be a little mommy to your brothers and to me and daddy and I can't wait to watch you become a mother to your future children. You are so kind and nurturing. I feel like you were sent to me to teach me how to be like that again. Sometimes I feel so run ragid and worn out and I snap for no reason and you come and hold me and pat my back and let me know that it will be okay, and that I can be better. Sometimes I wonder how such a huge loving spirit can fit into such a tiny little body.

     After having your three brothers I prayed that you would be the perfect little girly girl and you are. You love to play with babies, care bears, princesses and ponies. You love purses, make up, shoes, dresses, and dancing. You are my little mini me. You never leave my side and always want to be held or to help me with whatever I am doing. When I put on make up you do too. Everything is so wonderful and beautiful to you. You get excited about everything and make the most adorable happy/excited face I have ever seen. You are a little comedian and make us all laugh all the time. You want to sit on my lap for everything, including eating dinner and sometimes I get overwhelmed and want a break and then you cry and I realize that you are only little like this once, that one day you wont want me or need me as much as you do now. I know that one day you are going to go off and start a life of your own and then I just want to hold you every second I can. You are growing up too fast and I just want to hold onto your little babiness for as long as I can. I want to kiss you all the time and I am so glad that you let me. I love to hold your tiny little hands and pinch your adorably tiny little butt. I love to sing songs with you and watch princesse movies with you. It melts my heart with you look at me and say "mama!" Its almost like you sigh it as you say it, like that one word contains all of your love and joy and happiness. Sometimes I get frustrated at the things you do, that you only do because you are little and learning and I realize through your love for me that I need to be a better, more patient teacher for you. Sometimes I am a little selfish and I want time to myself, you don't like to give it to me, and even when I hide you find me and cry for me, I can't stand to hear you cry so I always come to you and hold you and you snuggle into my shoulder, tuck your arms under you and pull your body in close to me and I realize that there is no room for selfishness in this life. That true happiness doesn't come from being alone or on my own but that true happiness comes from being a mom, to your and your brothers and a wife. You teach me things all the time. I hope that you never give up that selfless love. I hope that you are a million times better mom then me and that I am able to teach you something, but most of all I hope you never doubt that I love you and that you always know how much you mean to me. 

     Its hard to believe that you are even real my sweet little angel baby. You are my princess and I adore you. I love to hold you in my arms and to kiss your sweet head. I love to hear you say new words and to watch you take in and learn about the world around you. I have no doubt that you were sent here to save me and to change the world, one loving act at a time. You have so much love and happiness wrapped up in your little body that its almost impossible for anyone around you to not feel it raidiating off of you. You brighten a room just by being in it and your smile is contagious. You have united our family and have brought a lot of sparkle into our lives. You are the perfect daughter for me and I can only hope that I am the perfect mother for you. I love you so much my darling princess and I always will. I am so glad that I have you as my little twin and partner in crime and I am so glad that your brothers have such a sweet, kind and caring little sister. I see the change that you bring into their lives every day. You help remind them that love is always the most important emotion and that kindness can change people. You never let us be unhappy for too long before you come in and cheer us all up. You are everything this family needs to help keep us strong and loving. 

                                                                                                         I love you Wynnie,

                                                                                                              Mama

How do we become Mothers with Spiritual Powers?

I have written about one of my favorite mothering books several times before on the blog. You can go here and here to read those posts, they are some of my favorite posts. They remind me that motherhood really is a journey, a journey that is full of ups and downs. Its comforting to read that I was pondering on mothering things all those years ago. It shows me that my work as a mother is never done and that there will never be a point where I know and understand it all, that is why it is so important to keep seeking to find the guidance that the Lord is so ready to give us.

I absolutely LOVE this book. 

I have read it several times and usually it stays on my night stand waiting to be reread.

I just started reading it again and I always find new things to help me in my mothering journey.

In this book she takes different passages of scripture from the Book of Mormon which is Another Testament of Jesus Christ, and applies them to mothering.

 (go here to find out more about the Book of Mormon, go here to read the book, and go here to request a free copy of the Book of Mormon.) 

She takes a total of 24 different scriptures and uses them to show examples of how to Raise a Righteous Family. In the Introduction to her book she says that she could write several more books using all the other scriptures that teach about parenting, that she didn't use in this book.

All my life I have been taught to apply the scriptures to my own life, to liken them unto me.

I have always thought I was pretty good at this. I hear a scripture and I immediately think about how I can use it in my life. But the main key to that was when I HEARD a scripture. If someone taught a lesson about it in church or I heard someone else talk about it then it was easy to liken it unto me. Frankly they did all the work. They read their scriptures and found something that jumped out at them and took that and applied it to their lives, I just piggy backed on their hard work. 

After I started reading this book again I decided to read the Book of Mormon again and this time I decided that I would take a purple pen and mark any scripture that jumped out at me in reference to mothering or parenting. I also bought a separate journal and decided that I would write these scriptures down in my journal, as well as my thoughts on these scriptures, in reference to mothering.

This actually fit in nicely with several of my New Years goals. My first goal was to try harder to be a kinder, more present mother. My second goal was to be more organized in the things I did daily and My third goal was to be better at my scripture studies. 

So in order to try and keep my goals I decided that I would share with ya'll, some of the scriptures that jumped out to me in my reading and what I got from these particular passages of scripture. 

I do really well when given deadlines... if life was all about deadlines I would be doing GREAT. 

So I have decided that I was going to try to have these thoughts posted for ya'll on Mondays. Hopefully being more organized and setting a deadline will actually help me keep this goal. 

Wish me luck!!!

This past week was my first week of this new scripture study and I can say with as much passion as I can portray in writing that it was a very moving week for me.

I found a new passion for scripture study and I kept wishing I could just sit down and read more.

I have been praying a lot lately to find this kind of passion in my scripture reading and I can tell you that my prayers were answered. I have found so many answers and so much joy while reading the scriptures.  I have found the scriptures jumping off the pages and the mothering passages have been so obvious to me, that I often wonder why I never saw them that way before.

Here are a couple of my favorite from this past week:

1. 1 Nephi 1:20 "...... I, Nephi, will show unto you that the tender ^cmercies of the Lord are over all those whom he hath chosen, because of their faith, to make them mighty even unto the power of ^ddeliverance."

There are tender mercies every day as a parent, I just need to look for them. When I am having a hard day its easy to get burdened down by all the things that went wrong that day, its a little bit harder sometimes to find the tender mercies. Its important that I really try to see and focus on the tender mercies that the Lord gives me daily. If I can see those tender mercies then I can be delivered from my trials (or my hard days). If I turn to the Lord he will help me through even the roughest of days. He won't necessarily take my trials away but he will give me the strength that I need to make it through them. He will give me that strength by showing me his beautiful tender mercies. 

The other day there was a lot of fighting happening in our house. The kids all seemed to be yelling at each other. Noah and I were frustrated with each other and with the kids and it just felt like one of those days that needed to hurry up and be over. When I told the kids to put on their p.j.'s I went to my room and prayed and asked the Lord to help me be kinder to the kids and to stop yelling at them because it was teaching them that yelling at each other was okay. I came back downstairs and Tayton still did not have his pajama's on. I fussed at him and told him how frustrating it was that he was choosing not to listen to me. I told him that I was having a hard day and that I felt like nobody cared about anything I said to them. He looked at me with his sweet eyes, climbed into my lap and said, "But mommy, 'member that I'm your best friend and you my best friend?' Those sweet words that my 3 year old uttered were so simple and plan and so very tender. I started to cry and I thanked my Father in Heaven for helping me recognize that tender mercy in a moment that I needed it the most. 

The first chapter of Nephi teaches us that Lehi was a righteous man and that he did all the things the Lord asked of him. Lehi and his family had to flee into the wilderness, leaving all their earthly riches behind. And this was AFTER he did all the things that the Lord had asked of him. 

This scripture shows me that we can suffer trials, burdens and great afflictions even after we have done what the Lord has asked of us, but it also tells me that the Lord is always with us and that he will show himself unto us through those tender mercies.

Yesterday in church a friend of mine talked about keeping a Tender Mercies journal. She said that she was started to record, daily, the tender mercies that she saw. I LOVE this idea and think that I am going to add it to my scripture journal too. There is no better way to understand the tender mercies of the Lord, then to look for them in our daily lives, because I can promise you that they are there, its just up to us to see them.

2. 1 Nephi 3:7 " And it came to pass that I, Nephi, said unto my father: I ^awill go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no ^bcommandments unto the children of men, save he shall ^cprepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them."

This is a passage of scripture that I have been taught my whole life.

I have had this scripture memorized for as long as I can remember and it has always been one of my favorites, but it wasn't until I read it while searching for parenting help that I saw it in a new light.

The lord commanded Adam and Eve to bear children and to raise them up to the Lord, the same commandment is true for us. So if the Lord commanded us to bear children and raise them up unto him then doesn't this scripture say that he will prepare a way for us to accomplish this thing?

Sometimes the motherhood road that we are on can seem very rough and hard. There are parts that are smooth and then there are parts that are just plan difficult to traverse. This scripture tells me that even when the road seems too hard to bear that the Lord will always prepare a way for us to navigate the pathway safely. When we don't have the parenting answers, he will prepare a way for us to find them so that we can accomplish the work that he has commanded us to do. He won't give us any task to complete with out also giving us a way to complete it. 

Now of course there are women out there who have trouble conceiving children and this is trial that they have to bear. I don't have the answer as to why this is their particular trial but I do know that the Lord is with them and that he prepares a way for them to help his children on this earth, whether it be their own children or other peoples children, he will place people in their lives who need their love and guidance. 

3. 1 Nephi 4:6  " And I was ^aled by the Spirit, not ^bknowing beforehand the things which I should do."

This scripture jumped out at my in so many ways.

Right now in our life we are making some pretty big life changing decisions. A lot of these decisions has required us to take a giant leap of faith, into the darkness, in the direction that Lord wants us to go with out knowing what the outcome of that leap will be. We don't know exactly what is going to come from these decisions or what steps we will have to take after this but I do know that we are being guided by the Spirit of the Lord and that he will not lead us astray.

The Lord will always guide us. Its up to us to be in tune with the Spirit so that we can let it guide us. We take those steps into the darkness a lot as parents. We take those steps led by faith, not knowing what the outcome will be or knowing whats going to come next. 

We take these steps when we try to guide our children in the right direction. We sometimes take these steps when it comes to trying to provide medical care for our children or finding the right fit in doctors. We take these steps when we are deciding what teachers we think will be best for our children, and when we decide to stay put or to move our family. We take these steps when we decide what consequences we will give to our children when they disobey, and when we try to decide what activities or events we want our children to participate in. 

We are constantly taking these leaps of faith, and taking steps led by the spirit when it comes to parenting our children.

We put all of our faith in God and trust that he loves our children even more then we could possibly imagine and that he will not steer us in the wrong direction when it comes to raising them. 

I lay awake at night, so many nights hoping that I made the right decisions that day and that I took the right steps, in the right direction, making the best decision for my family. 

We are led by the spirit every day and every day we face new challenges that were not there before. Sometimes we face those challenges without any real idea of what the outcome will be of our decision, but we make that decision anyway. It brings me so much comfort knowing that when I make those decisions based on the guidance of the spirit that I am doing those things which the Lord would have me do.

These are only a few of the scriptures that I wrote down, there are so many more but I don't want to bombard you them 100's of scriptures in one post.

Stay tuned for more scriptures next Monday.